Sunday, July 21, 2013

To Tell The Truth....

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Einstein said it best, "Tell the truth and you won't have to remember anything."

As well someone else told me, "By telling the truth you are honoring the fidelity of the moment."

I haven't always been a truth teller and frankly I haven't always liked myself that much either.  It is upon closer examination that the two go hand in hand. The less I liked myself, the more I lied. On the other hand, the more at peace I am, the more truthful I become.

I have lied since I was quite young. Kindergarten when someone in class mentioned I had slanty eyes and that I was different. So when the teasing began I made up things I thought would make others like me better and it grew from there.... literally.  My parents use to quote the bible to me; such verses quoted from the holy text, "Be sure your sins will find you out," and, "the wages of sin is death". Yet it did nothing to deter me from my path. Who cares? I thought. No one will ever know.  The lies get worse as I got older. I formed a habit and when faced with an unfamiliar situation there was always the comfort zone of a lie. After all people liked me better when I lied and I liked myself less and less.  I had come to allow my lies to define me; without them I was boring, I was no one. Without them no one would ever believe me or love me.

The clutter that ran through my head was a constant buzz, unceasing and there was no peace no matter how much I tried to find it, I couldn't because everything was  a lie.  Then I hit the brick wall and I hit it hard.

I don't ask anymore, "Am I doing this right?" I don't search for validation from others and I speak with honesty. I have peace for the first time in my life.

Sam Harris in his essay on Lying, said the following, "To lie is to erect a boundary between the truth we are living and the perception others have of us.  The temptation to do this is often born of an understanding that others will disapprove of our behavior. Often there are good reasons why they would."  For us to experience true integrity we must not feel the need to lie about our personal lives. There is no vulnerability in being honest, in integrity itself, vulnerability comes in pretending to be something you are not.

Honesty is a gift we can give to others. It is also a source of power and an engine of simplicity. Knowing that we will attempt to tell the truth, whatever the circumstances, leaves us with little to prepare for. We can simply be ourselves. Recovery is a process but the road begins with one's self. Stop lying to yourself and you will stop lying to others and in that exchange you will find yourself and peace.



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