Wednesday, August 14, 2013


Photo credit: @easyeastsales

I work for a couple magazines, both that are sister publications.  In the time in which I have been involved with this industry I'm amazed at some of the things I see; for instance one of the other magazines (not our publications but another publication altogether) has an award ceremony where people in the industry are nominated as "top xxx" of the year (I don’t wish to go into details or point fingers). Then these people go forth and ask everyone to please vote for them.  Now I have an issue with this, especially as I deepen my practice on and off the mat.  It's not like these men and women are kids.... in high school.... these are GROWN men and women in the industry but it leaves me feeling like we're back in high school. VOTE FOR ME! VOTE FOR ME! Not to mention these are people who I would think have balance in their lives especially since this industry is based on water and balance. It's a lifestyle but they are still missing the mark.  It makes me realize that people are so very insecure and unsure of themselves that they need other people to feed the fragile ego that they have.  What does this accomplish for them? Does it help them in anyway? Do they help others? I have seen how they try to portray themselves in front of the camera so to speak but I know them beyond that and its shameless and sad really.

When I truly started my practice in yoga whole-heartedly it was out of a sense of complete brokenness. I had self-destructed and was desperately trying to put the pieces back together to show that I was whole again. Everything was extremely painful. The strength I have on and off the mat and the space that I've created in my body is a result of a lot of hard work, mostly a lot of letting go.  We hold so much emotion in the body. Practicing yoga is releasing and that is why it is so difficult! Not because we move in different ways or inhale to lift this and exhale to lower that, but because it causes us to be still and mindful and look at WHO we really are. It's not just scratching at the surface of what you don't want to see; it's unveiling all the fears and judgments you have about yourself buried deep inside. It's connecting to what's really true.

And yes, along the way I might pick up some strength and flexibility and ACTUALLY be able to hold paperclip pose longer then 30 seconds- this is a bonus. It's not why I keep returning to my mat every damn day. It's not the purpose of my practice.

When I move deeper into a pose and then push deeper still I move deeper into self-love and self-acceptance. I build my strength to balance steadily in whatever pose I'm in and I build strength to face whatever the world throws at me and when I release that tension from whatever part of my body is holding on to it, I release fear, frustration, sadness and my ego. I have the realization that I have nothing to prove... to anyone. And when I learn to surrender on the mat, I learn to surrender off the mat, to surrender to the present moment. That it is not wholly about me but about others and being mindful. This is the practice. 

No one can do it for you-- you are going to have to do the work yourself but it's attainable right here, right now and you can't get it because someone else voted for you. Don't hold back. You alone can make the difference.

Maturity is not when we start speaking BIG things, it is when we start understanding small things.

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